My Porte plan got washed out

Giles Snyder
3 min readMay 13, 2022

I should have known it’d be a bad idea to start asking for paid subscriptions to The Porte Crayon Applejack Society.

Now, I feel obligated to regularly push out a newsletter.

The pressure to make sure you get something — ANYTHING — for your money each week is a heavy burden to bear. I’m sweating over here — working this hard (wipes brow) goes against my natural inclination to kick back in my favorite chair and stream old Star Trek episodes all day.

Guess the joke’s on me.

Of course, you can keep getting these emails for free. You’re under no obligation to do anything more than plug in your email address. But there’s nothing more entertaining than making someone else sweat, right?

If you think it’s funny that my efforts to fleece you for a few bucks is backfiring, hit the subscribe button and make me work harder than I ever really wanted to

Despite my penchant for indolence, I’ve lately been trying to get these emails into your inbox early in the week, on Monday or Tuesday.

I’m too lazy to figure out why, but sending them early in the week seems to increase the chance that they are actually opened. At least, that’s what the data tells me. That doesn’t necessarily mean the PCAS is being read, but judging from the messages I receive, there are at least a few regulars.

That’s the long way of saying that if last weekend had not been rained out, you would have had a newsletter in your hands a lot sooner than this.

I had intended to tell you about a quick excursion I planned to take last weekend to Capon Bridge — the Hampshire County town known as “The Gateway to the Mountains.”

I had plans to take my wife, Mrs. Applejack Society, to see the old-timey trio “The Fly Birds” at The River House venue in Capon Bridge. I billed our Saturday night excursion as a Mother’s Day gift — a new experience that we haven’t had enough of since the pandemic started more than two years ago.

“It’d be a real treat!” I enthused. “We’ll have a few laughs!”

“Yippe-Ki- Yay!”

I didn’t tell her about my real motive — that I wanted to spend a little time in Capon Bridge, to get a feel for the place ahead of the PCAS hike up nearby Ice Mountain, in whose shadow Porte Crayon set the jousting tournament that brings his ten-part series “The Mountains” to a rousing close.

Mrs. Applejack Society knows me. She probably knew what I was up to the second I mentioned taking what the Google driving directions say is about a 45-minue drive from our house to Capon Bridge. But if it’s all the same to you, please don’t mention it to her.

Eh, it probably doesn’t matter at this point. My plan to use Mother’s Day as cover to gather fodder for this newsletter — FOR YOU — fell through. Or rather, it was a wash out. All the rain that fell last weekend sparked flash flood warnings around the state. Although the most serious high water issues were in western West Virginia where a man was killed, organizers in Capon Bridge sensibly postponed “The Fly Birds” performance.

The postponement actually came as a welcome development. I wasn’t looking forward to hydroplaning my way to Capon Bridge. But it also left me with nothing much to write about this week. And explains why you’re receiving this week’s newsletter on Friday afternoon instead of Monday morning.

In lieu of some actual “Porte news you can use,” please accept this picture of Ornery Dog Jasper, who would clearly like you to help spread the word about the PCAS.

By the way, the Ice Mountain hike is next weekend — Saturday, May 21st. If you were thinking of tagging along, you should know that the PCAS group is full.

Let’s hope it doesn’t rain. I don’t want to be left holding the bag … er, make that bucket, again.

Originally published at on May 13, 2022.